Imagine falling hard for a guy that seems perfect, only to hear through the grapevine that he's got genital herpes--a serious STI that you do not want to get. That's the dilemma of Amanda,* a Vitamin G reader in Iowa who writes for advice ...
Amanda (name changed to protect privacy), a Vitamin G reader who lives in Iowa writes with this dilemma:
"I've been going out with a guy who I really like. He's funny and good looking and treats me better than any other guy I've been with. But recently one of my friends told me that she heard from an ex girlfriend of his that he has genital herpes. I was really upset when I heard it and confronted him about it, but he just denied it. We haven't had sex yet, but we've come really close. Honestly, I'm just afraid that he's not being truthful. I don't want to get herpes! Help! What can I do?"
Hi Amanda, I totally feel for you, and thank you for writing! Here's the thing: It's totally possible that the ex-girlfriend who spilled the beans on your guy may have only been trying to meddle. She might have made the whole thing up simply because she's jealous of your relationship. But--and here's the big but--you can never be too careful when it comes to your health.
This exact same scenario played out in high school to a friend of mine (exact, except that the sexually transmitted infection was a different one), and guess what? The guy was lying and she got a nasty disease.
Of course, trust is a huge part of a relationship, and I'm not telling you to doubt your guy, but has it ever occurred to him that he might have herpes, or another STI, and may not know it?
Here's my idea of how to solve this: He knows you're worried about it, so what if you suggest that you both go in and get tested together? Of course, you probably know that you have a clean bill of health, but going in as a couple can show that you care about him and that you won't let him go alone (if he's scared, that is). Note: Planned Parenthood is a good resource for STI testing.
And what if he is positive? Well, you can cross that bridge when you get to it. Doctors can advise you on how to stay protected, but the truth is, sex will be risky and you need to take every precaution necessary to avoid contracting herpes.
Hugs to you, and hang in there as you figure out this complicated situation! Write back and let me know how it goes.
Gals, do you have any advice for Amanda?
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